Rena and Ian were married for 47 years and spent their lives together, starting in Stratford, London, before moving to Somerset after raising three children and welcoming several grandchildren. In Somerset, Ian, a builder and carpenter, renovated a large farmhouse, and the couple enjoyed a fulfilling life surrounded by family.
However, in March 2023, their lives took a sudden turn when Ian was diagnosed with a brain tumour. Ian initially experienced weakness in his left hand, but his condition rapidly worsened. He went to the GP and within 24 hours, he had lost sensation on the entire left side of his body. Ian’s diagnosis was confirmed after an MRI scan at Musgrove Hospital in Taunton.
Rena described how life seemed to come to a standstill after her husband’s diagnosis. “It was almost like waking up in a nightmare,” she said, “I kept thinking, no, this can’t be right.” Within ten days, Ian was at Southmead Hospital in Bristol undergoing surgery. The initial focus was on treatment, and Ian was referred to Bristol Oncology, where he began six weeks of chemotherapy. Each day involved a challenging journey to Bristol during the summer months, as the couple navigated this new and overwhelming reality.
In the early summer of 2024, Rena and Ian received some hopeful news—after extensive rounds of chemotherapy, the brain tumour had shrunk. Despite this progress, Ian was still unwell. His condition had already been diagnosed as life-limiting, but “we buried our heads in the sand,” Rena shared. The family tried to manage on their own, but Ian’s health deteriorated he was struggling with seizures, and his needs became increasingly complex. “He was in pain, couldn’t sleep, and was frustrated because he hated feeling like a burden,” Rena recalled. The days blurred together, filled with doctor’s visits, managing medications, and trying to keep Ian comfortable. “It was exhausting, and we didn’t know where to turn. I thought, ‘Is this just how it has to be?’” At that time, they had no knowledge of St Margaret’s Hospice or the support hospice care could offer.
Rena found herself struggling to get the support they needed. She recalled feeling isolated, especially when she couldn’t reach anyone for help. Their oncology nurse was on long-term sick leave, and other staff were unavailable due to holidays.
I felt very alone. Ian was ill, and I didn’t know who to turn to. I loved Ian and wanted to be everything for him, but I didn’t know how.”
The challenges of navigating care from such a distance became overwhelming, prompting Rena to speak to their consultant, expressing her need for local support near Taunton. The consultant referred them to St Margaret’s Hospice. That referral, made in late August 2024, marked a significant turning point in their journey.
I know it’s a hospice, but don’t be put off by the word hospice.”
At first, hospice care was not something the family seriously considered. “We thought it meant the end,” Rena explained, “It felt like admitting we’d run out of options.” However, as Ian’s health continued to decline, Rena decided to reach out.
What happened next surprised her. From the moment the St Margaret’s team arrived, Rena felt a weight lift off her shoulders. The hospice’s community team worked tirelessly to make Ian comfortable at home, adjusting his medications to reduce his seizures and teaching Rena how to approach the more technical aspects of his care. The impact on Ian was profound.
For the first time in months, Ian wasn’t in constant pain. He could sleep. He could smile. It felt like we had him back, even if just a little.”
The nurses and support staff didn’t just tend to Ian—they supported the entire family. “They taught me how to help Ian in ways I never knew were possible,” Rena said. “They showed me how to position him so he was comfortable, and even how to talk to him about things I was too afraid to bring up on my own.”
Rena vividly remembers the transformation in Ian after hospice care began. The team worked quickly to manage his pain and alleviate his symptoms, allowing him to regain some of his independence. Ian’s mood improved, and he became more engaged with the family.
He was able to talk to the grandchildren again, share stories, and even laugh a little. It gave him back pieces of himself that we thought we’d lost forever.”
Eventually, despite the support of the hospice’s community team, Ian reached a point where he told Rena he wanted to go into the hospice itself. Anna, one of the hospice’s Community Nurses, stepped in immediately to arrange everything. Within hours, Ian was admitted. Rena said the transition was seamless. “It was like Anna just waved a magic wand and made it happen.”
For the first time, I could stop being the medication provider, the safety monitor, the caregiver. I could just be his wife again."
Knowing Ian was being cared for by skilled, compassionate staff allowed Rena to focus on loving him and cherishing the time they had left together. Being able to visit Ian any time of day when he was in the IPU meant so much to both Ian and Rena and in the 11 days Ian spent in the IPU, it was the little things the hospice team did that meant the world to Rena and Ian. Ian always liked to be clean-shaven, something the healthcare assistants ensured happened every single day, without ever needing to be asked.
Even in death, the hospice team treated Ian with dignity and warmth. Rena remembers how they moved him on the bed after he passed, gently repositioning him to look more comfortable. They still spoke to him, referring to him by name, as if he were simply resting. “It was so personal,” Rena recalled. “It made such a difference to me to see how much they cared, even in those final moments.”
Looking back, Rena sees hospice care as a gift. Ian’s final months, though heart-wrenching, were also filled with moments of love, connection, and peace that she never expected.“I’ll always be grateful for what hospice gave us,” Rena said. “But I’ll always wish we’d asked for it sooner.”
Now, Rena is determined to share her story so that other families won’t wait as long as she and Ian did to seek hospice care.
It’s not just about the end—it’s about living well until the very end. The hospice didn’t just help Ian; they helped me, too. They gave me back the chance to just love him, and that’s something I’ll always be grateful for.”
Rena hopes that more families will learn about the support hospice care can provide—not just for patients, but for their loved ones.
You don’t have to do it all alone. And you don’t have to wait until you’re at breaking point to ask for help. Hospice care is there to make life better, even when time is limited.”