When Jackie and Kim’s son, Gary, was given the devastating news that he had a brain tumour around 8 years ago, she was heartbroken.
Gary was just 32 years old when he received his terminal diagnosis and Jackie couldn’t believe this was their reality, but she knew she wanted to support him every step of the way.
“Gary was such a lovely person, he was funny and popular and had lots of good friends but most importantly, he was my son and I loved him so much,” Jackie said.
“When we found out about Gary’s brain tumour and what it meant for him, I knew that as he reached the end of his life I wanted to care for him at home. I wanted to be there to give Gary anything he needed as any mother would in this situation.”
Jackie cared for Gary at home for a number of months with support from St Margaret’s Community Nursing Team but as he became more and more unwell he decided he wanted to spend his final days at St Margaret’s In-Patient Unit in Taunton so he could get the support he needed and spend quality time with his family.
Jackie was supportive of Gary’s decision but was concerned about what this may mean for her as she was determined to take care of him until the end. But from the moment she walked through the hospice’s doors, she knew that Gary had made the right decision.
I was a bit worried when Gary went into the hospice that the staff would just take over everything from me, but they didn’t, they were amazing. The nurses removed the stress I had by making sure he had the medication he needed, when he needed it, by taking care of things like making sure the sheets on his bed were clean and cooking his meals and being open and honest with us about what was happening. They didn’t just look after Gary, they looked after me too."
“Gary had the best care at the hospice, and we stayed there with him during the last days of his life. could come in and out and visit Gary while he was in the hospice and spend quality time with him in a nice, homey environment which was precious.
“Honestly, going into the hospice was the best decision Gary made. It meant we had all the resources and support we needed to tackle what was ahead and I could still be there by his bedside and care for him when he was unwell. There were people there to help us, whenever we needed them and that meant the world to us.”
Gary died peacefully with his family by his side 8 years ago and Jackie said that not a day goes by when she doesn’t think of him.
The care that St Margaret’s gave to Gary has never left Jackie’s thoughts and it helped to give her some much-needed reassurance when her Mum, Jackie, was diagnosed with mouth cancer in 2022.
“My Mum was referred to St Margaret’s after the consultant told us that she couldn’t have any more radiotherapy and her cancer was terminal,” Jackie said. “She’d been through 8 rounds of radiotherapy so they’d tried everything they could to help, and I knew she was in the best hands the moment she was referred to St Margaret’s.
“Whenever we call the hospice or Ralph comes to visit Mum, I feel that the support we get is more personal. Ralph has taken the time to get to know my Mum and I which has been lovely, its meant a great deal to us both.
“Ralph is the main man in my life!,” Jackie’s mum said. “When Ralph comes over, I really enjoy chatting to him, he makes me smile. He helps me with whatever I need and talking to him helps to take my mind off my illness. It makes me feel like I am talking to a friend.
“During our time together, Ralph has also spoken to me about planning for the future. It was a gradual conversation that the two of us had together but it’s great to know I’ve had support from Ralph so I can make my wishes known and plan for the future.”
In last 2 years, Jackie has also used St Margaret’s Adviceline to get advice and support while caring for her Mum and said it’s made ‘the world of difference.’
“The Adviceline team are fantastic. They have given me advice to help me to support Mum at home when she’s not been very well and have helped us to get a doctor for Mum or get her to the hospital when she’s needed it which has been brilliant.
“If you’re living with a terminal diagnosis or are supporting someone who does and are worried about using the hospice’s services, my advice would be to not worry and to go for it. The hospice is absolutely fantastic, and they will give you the best support whenever you need it.”
Jackie’s Mum, Jackie, sadly passed away at the start of 2024 but Jackie kindly gave us permission to use her story. We’d like to thank Jackie and her Mum for sharing their story with St Margaret’s.